posted 10-02-2006 01:00 PM         

It is hard at times to believe he is here for us but i like to think he is.

I am sure that when the time is right he will show us what he has for us.

posted 10-02-2006 01:20 PM         

Thanks to both of you for the encouragement. It's just frustrating. I've cut expenses as much as I know how. I filed bankruptcy, hoping that would help me get rid of a lot of debt and that the downward spiral would stop. It did for a while, but it's back - and it makes me sick that the bills causing me problems are so small that if I had a proper job, I'd be able to take care of them. I do things trying to improve my situation (i.e., get a little bitty credit card to try to improve my credit) and I only end up making things worse. I try doing nothing and, well, nothing happens. I try to sell things to get a little extra cash - nothing sells. I try to do some little job on the side - it doesn't pan out, doesn't make me any money. I pray and pray for guidance, and I try to listen, and I can't ever feel a direction. And if I'm supposed to be right here where I am, in this job that doesn't support professional credentials, doesn't use my background and education (which didn't become clear until after I took the job, or I'd never have taken it), doesn't believe in cost of living raises, where I haven't gotten a bonus or raise since I've been here and where I'm just miserable everyday - WHY?! What am I supposed to be learning? What am I supposed to gain from this? How is God using this to my good? I don't understand, and when you combine that with lack of financial security and lack of taking pride in my work (where I spend most of the day), it makes for a fairly unpleasant picture.

How do you keep your head up and keep the faith and keep any kind of semblance of a smile on your face during times like this? How do you keep praying and trusting and not just worrying the problem like a dog with a bone? How do you let it go and trust?

------------------
~*~Lisa~*~

posted 10-02-2006 04:57 PM         

And if it were just that money was tight, that would be one thing. I could cope with that. But bills aren't getting paid in full, and creditors are calling, and that makes me just sick to my stomach. I filed bankruptcy to get away from all of that, and I can't seem to do it. And before marriage, I was never in this situation - I lived just fine on my salary, had savings in the bank, had good credit. Post-marriage, I have no credit, no savings, I'm a couple years past bankruptcy, in a job that doesn't pay enough to cover all the bills all the time, and I feel like I'm drowning. So, some days it's easier to remember that God does have a plan than it is others.

And I really don't like myself very much when I'm in a mood like this, so I'd like to be not in a mood as soon as I can. At least drop-off at school went amazingly well today, and work has been OK. So, there's something to be thankful for right there!

posted 10-04-2006 10:31 PM            

I've read and reread this post and am really struggling with what to say, what to offer, and I'm just tongue-tied... because I'm pretty much in the same situation!

The one thing that gets me through is that God's love and proof of His presence and guidance comes in the smallest ways at the strangest of times-- and it happens all the time.

I was fired yesterday because I was having severe asthmatic reactions to a very small, confined work space with horrible air ventilation. My boss fired me pretty much on the spot when I told her I couldn't work in there. Today, I went to my doctor. I'm uninsured and was prepared to charge the office visit (I had just gotten the cards paid down and now have no job).... and it turns out I had a credit on my account there for the exact amount of today's charges!

I think God wants us to try to see past these financial struggles to realize that money isn't what the journey is all about. It's our faith and our attitude as we walk through the storm.

And yes, I say these things to remind myself, too! I literally have to repeat this to myself over and over each day.

If you take things one day at a time, act responsibly, make good choices, and do your best in your work and educational pursuits, it will add up over time and you'll look around one day and realize you've come so far and things did get better without you really even noticing.

In the meantime, you have friends here in the same sorry, sad, frustrating boat. Friends who know how hard it is even when you have a decent education, strong faith, and the best intentions. It is DAMNED HARD out there for single mothers. There are so many things that make it so hard. Just keep trying. It'll get better.

As long as we or our children aren't sick and dying (heaven forbid), I figure we've got many blessings to count. So many out there are dealing with life and death situations, so I think I'm pretty lucky in spite of the never-ending money/work issues.