posted 06-15-2006 01:34 PM         

She would teach them profane words to tell me and would also curse me out in front of them and make it seem like a joke to them. She would even tell them that I was a loser. On top of all of that she was extremely violent towards me both verbally and physically.

It wasn't until I grew a back bone and began to stop allowing her to control me with fear and anger that a change occured. I did this by simply looking within and understanding God's perfect order for mankind (God over Christ, Christ over man, Man over woman, Woman over children). Once I udnerstood that I was a man, a man of God and not only that but the representation of God here on earth and in the home that I began to take control of myself, my emotions, and took hold of authority over my domain (my family). It started with me simply letting go of my own anger towards my past (mom & dad), and then towards my wife. Then telling my children the truth, that I was wrong for anything that I've done that they knew about, most importantly, being a coward in front of them and not standing up to their mother, with love. I then took the time to speak with my wife and apologized for being a weak, pathetic man to her. For not taking authority over myself and over her and the children, and most importantly for not speaking the truth in love to her. She didn't understand it and still don't but that doesn't matter, what matters is that you do. Once you do this you will be so liberated and free to be the man God wants you to be. To be the man that you know you really are.

Then, whenever opportunity allowed, I would not get upset or angry, but would simply reason logically with the wife, tell her the truth about herself, i.e., that she was angry and resentful towards me and the children for doing what she was doing and saying what she was saying. When necessary, I pointed out in front of the kids, that she was wrong for how she was acting towards them and me.

It was not easy at first and at times it got very confrontational, yet, it did work, the tide began to turn in my favor and in favor of our children as my oldest began to question why his mom would be so angry all of the time while I remained calm. You see, children can naturally see the truth for what it is, you as the man have to show it to them through your actions and words. She would become extremely angry, shouting, cursing, yet when she realized that it had no affect on me she would simply run away, usually leaving the kids with me. This allowed me to begin to retrain the kids in the right way, understanding that their mom was not a bad person but needed prayer in order to get over her anger. I would regularly pray with them for their mother and ask them for forgiveness for my wrongs as well. If they ever saw me argue with their mother, I would immediately apologize to them for doing so, being as sincere as possible. She began to do the same as well.

We are not together and our divorce is coming to a finalization soon, and I am coming out unscaved with full physical custody of the children. Yet, the dynamics of our relationship has changed dramatically. I now have control over my circumstances and have authority over her and our children. Now this doesn't mean I boss her around or anything like that, authority simply means that I have taken possession of my role as the man. I demand respect and command it by my actions and words, and have let go all fear, anger and cowardice. When you do this anyone who sees or meets you can do nothing but respect and reverence you as a man.

It is a natural thing for women to respond with submission to a REAL man. A man that is not angry or weak but is in control of himself and therefore of the things around him. When a woman knows that she can control you, and succeeds in doing so, she will not respect you at all and will resent you for it. Stop allowing your ex to control you. Get over your anger, fear and cowardice, step up and be a man!

I hope this helps you, it has helped me tremendously! If you like, you can email me to talk more. I also recommend visiting this website: www.bondinfo.org, this organization is dedicated to rebuilding the family by rebuilding the man. They espouse much of the same solid info that I just spoke of above. They also helped me as I would like to help you. They have a counseling program and a toll free line you can call to talk. Take advantage of it, I promise you, you will not regret it.