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 child custody rights?
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| Author | Topic: child custody rights? |
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one love Member |
posted 05-11-2006 11:20 PM
 
I am 3 months pregnant by a "sperm donor" whom I no longer wish to have any contact with. He has never hit me, done drugs, or been financially unstable. He can be verbally abusive, manipulative, and irrational. He claims that he wants to be in the child's life- every step of the way. I would be happy if he fell off the face of the earth. I have currently severed all contact with him, but fear that when the child is born, he will stop at nothing to take baby away from me. Both of our families live on Oahu and are a financial and physical resource for child rearing-but I questions his morals, his ethics, and his child rearing and nuturing skills. He is narcissistic and irresponsible around young children. I believe that it would be in the child's best interest for me to have sole legal and physical custody with limited visitation for him. I don't plan to tell him when I deliver. How does his name on the birth certificate affect custody? How can i retain sole custody? With or without child support payments? I don't have alot of money to spend on legal aid- I wanted to wait until the last possible moment to retain counsel if possible. |
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Bluebird Member |
posted 05-12-2006 02:59 PM
I know less than nothing about all of this so other members can offer you better advice. However, doesn't naming him on the birth certificate pretty much cement the possibility of him exercising his rights as your child's father? I can totally understand your decision regarding not wanting him in your life, but I fear you may do just the opposite if you name him. If he already knows you're pregnant, and he knows it's his baby, you may be stuck with him. |
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ladyinred Member |
posted 05-12-2006 04:25 PM
So YOU don't like the guy anymore but what about your unborn CHILD? You know, that human growing inside of you that is 50% of this man you now despise? If he's good enough for you to sleep with why isn't he good enough to help raise your child? This isn't about you or how you feel about the "sperm donor", it's about your child. Think about your baby before you think about yourself... [This message has been edited by ladyinred (edited 05-12-2006).] |
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one love Member |
posted 05-13-2006 05:17 AM
I'm just lookin for some general legal advice. I just thought that if anyone else had been in a similar situation- they might have some legal insight. I am not here to debate moral issues or to start a mud slinging contest. Thanks for everyone's input! |
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jaysmom Member |
posted 05-13-2006 07:29 PM
Well there is another site that you can go to for some advice its www.singleparentsnetwork.com there is a attorney on the site that gives us parents advice his log in name is rbb333. Or you can go to the child support topic on there and post your topic and he usually responses there.Hope that helps. |
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one love Member |
posted 05-14-2006 01:04 AM
thanks jaysmom! That is really helpful! I'll definitely check it out! |
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JAYJAY Member |
posted 05-15-2006 12:39 AM
Hello, i agree with Blue, if his name is on the birth certificate he will have some rights. I would get some advice from the people that are in the know. Hope all goes well for you, whatever you chose to do. |
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one love Member |
posted 05-15-2006 02:15 PM
About the birth certificate thing- I heard that if I don't name him on the certificate he can still get a court order to force me to subject baby to a paternity test- and when it comes out positive - then he can have the courts change the certificate and then he can start the fight for custody. So if he is really determined- I would be delaying the inevitable. But it would slow him down a bit. And who knows- maybe he will quit if it gets complicated like that? (*fingers crossed*) |
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Bluebird Member |
posted 05-15-2006 02:28 PM
I wish you all the best in this. I think you should trust your intuitions. I guess there are no easy solutions in this case. Maybe, like you said, he'll just sort of fade away. I think having no father (or mother) is better than having one who is damaging. He sounds very immature and selfish. Unless you're abusive and neglectful to your child, I don't think there's any way he'll be able to take your baby away from you. Worst case scenario will be that you'll have to share custody and have him in your lives. [This message has been edited by Bluebird (edited 05-15-2006).] |
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sandra Member |
posted 05-23-2006 10:38 PM
i guess this is why it's so important to think really, really soberly about *who* we choose to have a family with, I made the same mistake a decade or so ago, went ahead and married an abuser, and yes, my daughter is a blessing, but she has had to live w/o a dad in the home, she sees what other kids with loving daddies in the home get to have,...it's very sad. I wish I had listened to dr. Laura on the radio years ago, it wouldve helped me avoid being dumb i think. ANyways, i just think it's important to realize how serious it is, to have kids with guys who are just not father material. |
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