posted 03-07-2006 05:05 PM            

Why were your children taken from you in the first place? From what you wrote I'm understanding that you were accused of abandonment while they were living with your sister and you were running for your life. Is that right?

If you have a job now, why can't you get your children back? Why are your children stuck in the foster care system?

The foster family is getting richer every day just having YOUR children live with them. They have every incentive to lie and cheat and milk the system-- and manipulate your children.

I can't imagine that you'll ever rest peacefully as long as this is going on. I hope you'll find the strength to fight to get your children back.

If you don't want to get your children back, I think you can relinquish your parental rights and let them be adopted by someone.

posted 03-17-2006 01:54 PM            

Have you talked to different attorneys to see if there is one who would help you at a discounted rate-- or even pro bono?

I almost always side with children, but I think in this case that maybe you're being treated unfairly by your kids, too. If they saw the way your ex treated you, and they know how cruel he was, it seems like they'd be a little more understanding of your position.

I heard someone say years ago that if things just don't seem to add up, if something seems ridiculousy illogical, there is almost always a money trail. Sadly, I think that is much of what is going on here. The foster parents, your kids and, at one point even your sister, seem to be driven by greed for money.

I am struggling to find words of comfort but all I can come up with is agreement with you-- I'd want these monkeys off my back, too. You've gone through enough! It's your turn-- some how, some way-- for some peace of mind and happiness.

I mentioned relinquishing your parental rights in my first post as a way for you to finally be able to get your life started. If you don't have the resources to fight the system (and it's a monster of a system), maybe that would be a possibility for you. I know that would be heartbreaking, but what are the alternatives that would actually help you? I think you need a break and a chance at a better life. You're doing everything in your power to be safe, productive, and sincere. If these kids can't see that, maybe they would be better off with Mr. and Mrs. Money.

posted 03-25-2006 09:01 AM            

She had another child, a girl, who she placed for adoption. 3 years later she had another child (all children from different fathers). My friend and the child's father were messed up in drugs then, and were not caring for the boy. My friend's mother took the boy and has raised him since he was 8 weeks old-- he's now 11. All these years, he's been told that his mother didn't love or want him. The boy was taken from her and hidden for 11 years-- even since she's straightened her life out!

She had another boy that she gave up for adoption and then ended up in prison for 2 years on drug charges. That is when her life turned around. She had counseling, she found God, she confronted and paid all the emotional prices for her actions.

After prison she had another girl, who she has been raising. She's trying so hard to get her life together (no small task considering she was beaten and abused as a child).

She has tried and tried for several years to communicate with her mother, her child's father, and her children. No one would listen respond to her at all. To add to it, she's been being charged for child support for years and years--- to a child she's not even granted a second of visitation (her mother is basically hiding her 11-year-old son and it appears that she may have acted illegally all these years). My friend has scant work skills, is an emotional mess over her children, and is $70,000 in arrears for back child support and she can barely support herself.

She's between a rock and a hard place much like you, reboot. My point in telling you all of this is to try and say that, even if you do the things you're supposed to, you probably don't have money to fight a system that, in my opinion, doesn't really hear the whole individual case-- everything is by the book. If the system were fair, you would have received protection from your ex a long time ago.

True, you're expected to demonstrate that you're emotionally stable, mature, and capable of providing for your children.
But, with all this pressure, just how is this done? kedsce-- in the court's view, is she competing with the foster family at this point? My friend can't even begin to pay for attorney's fees to settle this mess with her mother.

My friend couldn't break the ice with her mother, ex, and children. It is only now-- with her oldest turning 18, that things are beginning to turn around. He found her, went to visit her... and told her that he had been told all these years his mother didn't care and that she didn't want to see him. He couldn't accept their word for it and went to see her for himself. She was finally able to tell her son about her own mistakes, how sorry she was-- and that she had always loved him, had always tried (in vain) to contact him and show him unconditional love.

Sorry for rambling... but I've seen from experience that these situations are so complex--- and courts and officials want to hear a case, make a decision in a few minutes, and move on to the next case as quickly as possible.

There may be things reboot can do to start repairing this mess--- but my point is that the lies, manipulation, and abuse/fear of her ex all complicate the matter way beyond simple solutions.

Reboot--- are you telling us everything? What have you done to get your life together? Have you lived an honest, crime-free life and have you showed the courts as much? I work as a contractor (it's all I can get now-- companies are moving towards hiring contractors more and more), so I know how that feels. You're always losing a job sooner or later. The catch 22 is that they pay well... and well, you do have to eat and pay that support.

Your children will realize the truth one day, no matter what it is. They'll eventually want to hear your side. Everyone makes mistakes... to me, how you live today and tomorrow decides how much inner peace you're going to have. I hope you're being brutally honest with yourself-- are you living the kind of life now that you'll want to tell your children? Yesterday doesn't matter-- if you wronged them, tell them you're sorry and that you love them and always will. If you live an honest life, it will pay off in the end.