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 really need help!
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jezze312 Member |
posted 12-05-2005 09:18 AM
  
I was going to give my ex the benefit of the doubt and not involve a lawyer yet to get child support, but it has now become apparent that not only did he abandon me, but he's also not going to pay for his child like he said he would. Does anyone know if he is responsible at all for some part of my doctor's bill for visits I have to go to and the hospital bill for the birth? I haven't had my baby yet, but already I find myself paying for everything with him giving me IOU's. And he also lives in a different state than I do. I live in Illinois and he lives in Massachusetts. A friend of ours had trouble a while ago getting child support from her ex because he was in a different state. Does anyone know anything about this? Is it right that I involve a lawyer at this point? please, if anyone knows anything, I would appreciate it. THanks |
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reasmon Member |
posted 12-05-2005 10:59 AM
I am not completely sure about your questions, but I can let you know as much as I know. I do not think that the father is responsible for YOUR medical bills during pregnancy. I don't think he is responsible for YOUR medical bills during birth. But I would assume that he has to be responsible for at least 1/2 of the CHILD'S medical bills from birth, but I am not sure. In most places-at least this is what I hear-it is the father's responsibility to carry medical insurance for the child. This is just my personal opinion--I wouldn't involve a lawyer yet. I would concentrate (and save money) for other things at this point. I am not 100% sure, but I would venture to guess that a lawyer is going to tell you that nothing can be done, child support wise, until the baby is born. Well I hope this helps. If you want to talk more, please feel free to e-mail me elickliter@xmsg.com. |
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Mommaof2 Member |
posted 12-06-2005 09:18 AM
Hi - I was in your place 4 1/2 years ago...and I did involve my attorney after my daughter was born. It took 2 years to get any cs and he still isn't paying. I have just served him again for cs through my private attorney but this time I do have the State of Illinois involved. I would contact them to see if you can at least get the ball rolling on getting the State involved. It is free for you. Also, my daughters dead beat dad was responsible for 1/2 my bills during my pregnancy and her medical bills from birth on. The State of Illinois also gets the noncustodial parent to keep med. insurance on the child. Hope this helps...please don't hesitate to contact me if you have any questions. |
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jezze312 Member |
posted 12-06-2005 08:20 PM
Both of your replies definitely help. I feel bad for even thinking about involving the court, but at this point, it is a necessity. I lost my insurance about six mons ago because I took a semester off of college. Now I am enrolled again, basically for bs classes just to get my insurance back for the birth and the medical bills for the obgyn appointments I have to go to. Once my medical insurance kicks in, it is only 20% of the bill I am responsible for versus 100% like it is now. My first appointment and ultrasound cost me flat out 500$ with no payment plan allowed. So I paid it in full and told my ex he could pay me 100$ a month for it. He had told me the previous day he would pay fully for that visit. It was the last straw when he told me that he wouldn't be able to give me anything for months. So I called him up and threatened him with a lawyer and suing him for child support. That scared him into realizing that there was no where to hide. He may be in another state, but there are ways around it. I feel sometimes like I'm being rude by doing all of this legally through lawyers but just because this baby is inside of me doesn't mean I should have to do it all by myself. At least not the medical bills part. And he actually joked on the phone about his friends saying he should get a paternity test before he pays me. I told him go right ahead. The prenatal ones, from what I've seen, are 1500$. I told him that if he had that kind of money to waste then that was fine. There's no doubt he's the father and he knows it, so it actually was kind of a laughable situation. I think that I'll wait till the end of the month before involving lawyers. I am taking a trip then to see him and I will get to talk to him face to face. Hopefully he at least agrees to pay for stuff by then and is acting like the 25 year old he should be. |
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bella08 Member |
posted 12-08-2005 05:49 PM
Definitely start on this as soon as possible. Make sure WHEN you go to court you include medical insurance, copays, child care costs, transportation costs (if he plans on seeing your baby), as well as the regular amount they will figure. After the amount is set sign up for support enforcement. As much as guys like this (my ex is one as well) always say they will pay – they hardly ever do and at least this way, if you aren’t getting money it does roll up into back support owed. When I went to court I worked at an in-home daycare and didn’t figure in daycare or medical (for some stupid reason) and I have paid these costs all on my own for 6 years. It has cost a fortune! Daycare alone used to run over $5,000/year before she was in school. Do not be afraid to go to court. |
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jezze312 Member |
posted 12-09-2005 10:25 AM
Bella, What do you mean by come to court with medical insur, copays? Does that mean I should come with what it has cost so far during my pregnancy for medical visits and what I have paid for for copays? I'm a little bit confused. And so you're also saying that I should check out day care costs now and also, he lives in boston. If I do go on a plane with the baby to let him see it, how does that go? Does that mean that he pays for that flight? I'm sorry if I am asking too many questions. Sometimes this stuff is really hard to understand. I was also concerned about this child support thing in Illinois. A friend of our family had a husband who left her after the birth of their daughter and moved to Arizona. Because he is in a different state, they are having problems enforcing it. Do you know anything about this? It is that reason alone that I am trying to get this solved without going through a court. He doesn't know about what I just asked you about and I don't want him to find out. If it's true, and I go to court and he hires a lawyer and finds this out, then I could get nothing. I'm just so confused with all of this. I guess it's not something you ever plan on doing...filing child support. |
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bella08 Member |
posted 12-29-2005 02:42 PM
So sorry for the very delayed response. No, I don't think going to court to fight over your child is ever in anyone's dream of the future. Yes, keep track of everything you have paid so far and up until you go to court. Legally, I don't think you can go to court until the child is born and paternity is established so if you think he is going to cause problems due to support do not let him know you are pursuing anything until he acknowledges paternity. Regarding all the other things I mentioned, they should be divided based on your incomes (the court will figure a percetage each of you are responsible for of the total amount they estimate it takes to raise the child per month - that is what his support payment is based on.) A good idea would be to look online at your state's child support enforcement webpage, download child support worksheets and just take a look at the costs to figure in. (Especially if airfare is going to be an issue.) My ex worked in Oregon and I live in Washington and we never had any problem getting support once they finally located his employer, but now that he's back in Seattle for the past few months I haven't gotten a dime. So it's really a luck of the draw thing as to how it will work out for you. Just make sure you sign up for enforcement and hope you get a good case worker! |
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