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 The Ex is driving me crazy
 At a loss for words
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| Author | Topic: At a loss for words |
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kimber72 Member |
posted 11-09-2008 07:35 PM
  
About 2 weeks ago, when the ex was bringing the kids home, he professed to me that he was done lying (to everyone). He told me he finally is going to counciling and trying to better himself for the kids. At the time I was quite proud of him. I find out today (through another family member) that the reason he is going to counciling was becuase it was court ourdered and it it a kind of "marriage" counciling with his live in girlfriend. Apparently, she slaps him around alot and in defense of himself he quickly put up his arms and elbows and in doing so he gave her a black eye. One of her friends encouraged her to file charges which she later dropped, but because it is a domestic case, they had to go to court anyway and the judge ordered them to counciling. Okay, so I know he still lies and according to this family member (of his) he has not changed. Now, most of me shakes my head and says what comes around goes around (he was verbally abusive during our marriage); and he deserves this all. Some of me is concerned about the environment my kids are going to, and I have to listen to (and watch) them very carefully. But I am trying to figure out why it bothers me, perhaps it is becuase he is putting up with that crap and letting her get away with tons of it, but at the first sign of detachment from me he runs into her arms (that was 2 years ago). The woman has no job is in at least 20,000 worth of debt, he supports her, eventhough she gets some money from her spearated spouse (they are not divorced yet). She gives him nothing toward any of the bills, she has put on at least 20 pounds since they began dating (weight was always a VERY big deal to him) and she allegedly does not clean, does not cook, and he still says that I am the best mom he knows. What I really want to know is why in the f* does my mind dwell on this. Why cant I just laugh it off. What benefit am I recieving out of thinking about this. Part of me likes hearing about it cause I say the dumbass thought the grass was greener on the other side, and then part of me is just tired of it all, and I dont want to hear anymore. UGH! |
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shawn single dad |
posted 11-11-2008 07:07 PM
It is only natural to think about him and his troubles. And although there is probably not much you can do, it is sad that your kids are in the middle of his mess of a life. For them you can show maturity, stability, and growth. And growing into a new life will eventually let you loose of him, but not if you keep enabling him by reminding him of his child support (didn't you say that a few months ago?) and letting him cry on your shoulder with his problems. You do need to let go of this guy for your own sanity and growth. I hope you have or are going to counseling for your own sake. You are not doing your kids any favor by keeping him and troubles so close to you. Forgive me if I'm off base, just trying to help. |
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kimber72 Member |
posted 11-13-2008 04:55 PM
No, not off base at all. And you are right, I am enabling him, just like he wants. I just found another therapist, whom I seem to be connecting too. My other one ripped me off, and I had to fight with him and insurance to get reimbursed. It sucks that people take advantage of others' vulnerability. I know what I need to do, it is just a matter of doing it, and continuing that behavior. Eventually, he will get the idea. We are divorced and it is about time we start acting like it. I also need to stop talking to his family, which is a bit hard considering they are only 2 blocks away. Either that, or I have to set up boundries for our rleastionship which means no discussions of the ex of any type. Which I would be okay with except for the fact that I know anything I tell them about myself (job, dates, vacation....) will eventually make their way back, and may give the ex a reason to start a "personal" conversaion with me, instead of making any conversation at drop off about the kids and issues I need to be aware of during the visit. |
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Jessi&JJ New Member |
posted 11-18-2008 09:20 PM
You want to protect your children is a Huge reason you think about it. I know that is why I do. The other reasons for me are that I would love to be a family. I never wanted to have a broken family, but it came down to the choice and being on my own with my son is much better right now...even as hard as it is. He is safer and happier and so am I. I think about what is going on in his life beacuse it still affects me. I don't get child support, my son doesn't see his dad much and when he does his dad is an idiot, and it wasn't that long ago that he broke apart my dreams and left a lot to heal. And unfortunately it isn't like a death where they are gone and you don't have to see them. They are around causing problem to make the healing process slow. I wish I could stop thinking about all my ex-husbands crap too. But as long as he wants to see his son and continues to not pay child support he will be an issue. Sometimes I wish he would just give up his rights, but he wont. I could handle struggling without child support if I just did not have to deal with him at all. |
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