posted 07-15-2008 01:23 AM            

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Well I just found out that my EX has been seeing someone and taking my 2 daughters around this man. I know NOTHING about this person and she is eluding all my inquries about him.(all info I have gotten has been from my oldest lol) she has them on the weekends so I try not to get to involved when they are with her. I'm at a loss for what to do, I am very happy that she has finally found someone that might make her happy but I do not feel comfortable knowing my girls are around a complete stranger to me. Am I over reacting by telling her to not take the girls around him anymore until she is sure that this person is going to be around more then a month? And I get more info on him?
I'm very new to this so forgive me if not correctly done

[This message has been edited by puzzledfather (edited 07-15-2008).]

posted 07-19-2008 01:38 PM            

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I completly understand your feelings. My ex started seeing some before our divorce and I got information from my boys. What was worse was when I did the back ground check to fine out who he was involved with. She is a mom who can't have her kids and has a criminal record. This to me is not exceptable at all. Granted my ex doesn't see anything wrong that is because she is buying him.

You did the right then you need to know who yor children are going to be around with plus you don't what type of person he is or if he has a record. You are well with in your rights to protect them.

It may not be the correct thing but then again what else can we do as parents to make sure they are safe when the other is thinking more of themselves then the kids

posted 08-07-2008 08:33 PM            

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I can see both sides of this. I have been dating someone for about 4 months and just introduced him for short visits to the girls. I know the girls talk about him to the ex. It is none of the ex's business who I am with.

On the flip side of this, I hate the ex's girlfriend (he had an affair with her about 2 years ago). She has said pretty mean things to me about my kids and the kids (sometimes) come home complaining about her. But in reality it is none of my business, and I cant tell him to get rid of her when he has the kids.

My advise to you is to carefully listen and watch your kids. What are they saying? How do they behave when they get home from her house? Is it different from what it was before she had a boyfriend? Use this information to express your concerns to your ex. Always start with the postive and put your self into her shoes. For example start with "you seem to have found someone that makes you happy, and the kids seem to like him too, thats great. I am concerned though about little "johnnys" behavior, he seems to be lashing out more, do you notice anything when he is with you?" Or little johnny expressed to me that....have you got a minute to talk about this? I always use an example from myself....I tell the ex that I find that when I dont spend alone time with the kids they seem to fight more (true statement) maybe the samething is going on with him, why does he schedule some alone time (away from the GF and her kids) for just him and his daughters and see if he notices a change. After many tries this tactic seems to be working. and the beneficiary of all this is are the girls get to spend alone time with daddy without the whore (who sleeps with married men) around.

posted 08-08-2008 11:42 PM            

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You have a valid point. In fact my ex has been seeing someone for over two years now, and when we were just in court the mediator recommended that he not be able to spend the night at my ex's place until they are married during the times the kids go visit her.

Morality clauses as they are known are a very common thing.

Be aware though, if your ex is anything like mine, she will put the issue to rest in the worst way. My ex resolved the issue by running out and getting married just weeks after the mediator made this recommendation.

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David
http://www.georgiasingledads.com
http://forums.georgiasingledads.com

posted 05-26-2009 08:18 PM            

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You have every right to be worried / curious. In my opinion you do have a right to know a little bit about the person, for goodness sake your guys have a child together.

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Maggie

All times are CT