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 The Ex is driving me crazy
 Changed parenting plan & less child support
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| Author | Topic: Changed parenting plan & less child support |
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my2boysandme Member |
posted 07-03-2008 10:58 PM
 
How could this happen? After 12 years of marriage, I caught him with another woman in my house. Before the divorce was final he moved 3000 miles away from his children to be with her. Now, 5 years later he was able to change the parenting plan - he knew the kids didn't want it changed - it was awarded to him because he told lies about the friend who has been living with us for 4 years. He also makes $13,000 a month, and I make $1300 a month - but he only needs to pay $1200 a month for two kids. How does this happen? |
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shawn single dad |
posted 07-04-2008 07:35 PM
my gut reaction is to tell you that you have a crappy lawyer. Maybe you need to consult with another one. Nothing is ever in stone in regards to child support and custody arrangements, as you just learned. But there are very specific guidelines for child support amounts. Have you calculated your child support using a child support calculator for your state? It takes just a minute to crunch the numbers and see if you are getting screwed by him and his lawyer (and maybe your lawyer) or just screwed by the system.  perhaps he is being given some travel allowance that reduces the amount he has to pay. I know this sucks because you and your kids suffer because he decided to move 3000 miles away. Keep up the good fight, but at the end of the day all we can really do is pray and persevere. When it is all said and done your life will be the lemonade you make of your lemons and his relationship with his kids will be a product of his doing. God Bless |
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my2boysandme Member |
posted 07-05-2008 04:06 PM
You're right, I do have a crappy lawyer, and it's lawyer #2 - I guess you get what you pay for, huh? I have done the calc's using the info he has provided, but my problem has been proving that he has more than his tax records show - he's self employed (Our old family company that I did not find out until later that I was only an employee, not a true officer - long story) and I know that you can hide income/money very easily - we did it for years, which was how we saved up $1000,000 in two years when we only reported making a little over $100,000 combined total. Now he has a $550,000 house in MS, another $350,000 one in AR, and a $150,000 one in TN - plus, three cars, a boat, and numerous other toys - all that he has aquired after our divorce. While the kids and I scrape by in a crappy little house, a run down old vehicle, and no toys. Looking back, I have finally realized that I should not have settled our divorce in the first place - but I didn't want to be one of those money grubbing women that takes someone for all he's got, so I settled and belived him when he said he would always take care of anything the kids and I needed (of course this was followed by, "as long as you settle so we don't give all our proceeds to the lawyers" - and preceeded by him telling me he is moving to MS to be with the woman I caught him in my house with). I was naive, I know - I guess you have to go through a few of these divorces to be good at it(ha ha ha). Live and learn, you reap what you sow - I just keep reminding myself that he will have to answer to someone bigger than us one of these days :-) Thanks again, I appreciate your reply. |
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kimber72 Member |
posted 07-16-2008 09:05 PM
Holy *&^&* If I did not know better, I would think I was talking to myself. I am slightly better off than you. I ran my husbands company and assisted him with the books, so I know what he had on the day he left and was able to get 1/2 that. I know he hid more just before he left, but I am okay, plus I have a good job, but everything you are saying I went through!!!! One thing I thought about but did not do to prove he had more was to hire a forensic accountant. They take everything he has and determines how he can afford it and they are able to find hidden money. You will run into a problem if things he owns is not in his name (I knew I would find things in his moms name and his sister's name that really beloned to him). Ultimatley try to follow the state guidelines, (mine suck, but it is what it is). and Remeber to cut your losses as much as possible. |
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my2boysandme Member |
posted 07-16-2008 11:48 PM
Wow! You're right - it does sound exactly like me :-) Was the forensic accountant expensive? I agree with what you say about cutting my losses. People have asked me why I didn't start my own business and crush him, but I can't - I worked in the same indutry for two years after the divorce but it was still too painful. I'm sure I will own my own business again, it's in my blood, and I obviously did it well because of how well the company grew :-) One of these days my prayers will be answered and I will find something, my "nitch", that will be rewarding and enrich my life and the lives of my boys. Until then, I will continue to concentrate on my boys and working to raise and grow them in to good, honest adults - there are just too many crappy ones :-) Thank you so much for your post - it means a lot to know I am not alone :-) |
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kimber72 Member |
posted 07-23-2008 07:47 PM
I necer hired the forensic accountant. I was told the starting fee was $10,000.00 and would be a long hard battle. I just was not up for that. So my girls and I manage to make ends meet. The ex does pay what he is supposed to, deposite the fact that it is late every month and takes serveal reminders. But after much thought, I am better off swallowing my pride, stashing my anger and just reminding him that the first of the month has come and gone and I need the money. Trust me, it is not easy and I hate doing it every month, I swore I would never that I would have him arrested first. But in reality that is not going to get him to remember and it is not good for the girls. Plus and I hate to admit this, but it truley is a lack of remember as opposed to not wanting to part with his precious money. |
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shawn single dad |
posted 07-27-2008 07:24 PM
kimber, you are not put on this earth to make him comply with his obligations to his family and to the court. Let it go. It is his mind game. |
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kimber72 Member |
posted 08-07-2008 08:18 PM
You're right except for the fact that almost my entire paycheck goes toward daycare (my girls are only 6 & 5 and it is summer). So the child support I get assists with the mortgage and other utilites and food. And while the state of NJ would garnish his wages, they cannot garnish wages from someone who does not take a paycheck from his own company. There is some stupid court order that if he is late by 2 weeks he has to set up auto payment with his bank, but that will never happen. Besides, lets say for example...child support is due on the first, in two weeks time the mortage will already have been due, the daycare payment will have already been due...they dont care that I am a single mom waiting for support money...all that being said, it is just easier to remind him and when I do, he usually gives me a check on that weekday he visits the girls. I am getting smarter though, I start reminding him before the first of the month.... |
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