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 The Ex is driving me crazy
 My son's DEADBEAT DAD...in or out? Please help!!!
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| Author | Topic: My son's DEADBEAT DAD...in or out? Please help!!! |
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CoopsMommy06 New Member |
posted 12-30-2007 03:09 PM
  
My son had just turned 8 months old when my ex kicked us out. We were never married, but engaged for two years. We bought a house together and moved in just 2 months before our son was born. Things were not great, we fought a lot because he was always out drinking and going to HIGH SCHOOL parties and drinking with minors, blah blah blah... Anyways, he gives me this whole schpeal about how "he wants to change" and then HE set a date for our wedding and started planning it---after a couple of weeks he came home from work and kicked my son and I out of the house and said that "he just wanted his single life back". So I took my son and moved a couple hours away to live with my sister (where HE SUGGESTED I go). He didn't come to see our son OR even just CALL to see how he was doing for the first 2 months! He was sleeping around and having 'parties' with a bunch of minor girls at "his" house and not sending any money for our son. It's been 6 months now and he still doesn't show any interest in being involved in our son's life (who is now 14 months old). He's very immature and irresponsible. Our son is very insecure about their 'relationship' since he goes weeks or months at a time without seeing him or hearing from him, so when he is around, my son is very attached to him and gets hysterical everytime my ex turns his back-he recently just made a joke about it and said he LOVES it that our son reacts that way! His parents are obviously very disappointed in him, but would never come out and admit that to me. They are very possesive of all of their grandchildren (especially my son since he is not at hand for their convenience). The only time my ex sees our son is if I take him the 2 hour drive to stay the night at my ex's parents house. He pretends while he's there that he's so involved in our son's life, only to appease them and the rest of his family. I don't want to keep doing this to my son. I have been telling my ex that if he wants to be a part of his life, then he needs to ACTIVELY get out of the bar and be in it. I don't want him to be a part time father. All it has done thus far is confuse my son and make him insecure. My ex only wants to see our son when it's convenient for him (i.e. he's not at the bar, or a party, or his parents just wanted him to). I'm sick of the inconsistent in-and-out of his life crap. He obviously has shown that he is uninterested in being a father, so in that sense, I want him out COMPLETELY..But the problem that I am having is that part of me feels guilty on my son's behalf for being the decider in this situation. I don't feel that he will change, if having a baby didn't do it, and then LOSING that baby didn't do, I don't think anything will. My son is so confused as to what exactly a "daddy" is. Since we have lived with my sister and brother-in-law for six months now, he sometimes calls his uncle "daddy". I try to explain it to him, but how do you explain something like that to a 1 year old? I love my son more than anything in the entire world, and it breaks my heart to know that his own father doesn't care for him and doesn't WANT to be involved in his life. What should I do? Should I just write him out for good? Or should I just continue to allow him to act this way and confuse our son? Does ANYBODY have ANY advice????? |
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shawn single dad |
posted 01-02-2008 02:22 PM
very tough situation, we can all feel your pain about an irresponsible jerk of an ex. luckily your son is still young enough to not be as emotionally involved in the situation as yourself, so this gives you an opportunity to set thing on the right track and hopefully get things stabilized before more permanent damage can be done. the best thing you can for yourself and your son is to take legal control of the situation. Get a child support order in place (even if he can't or won't pay an order will let him know the seriousness of the situation). Also set terms for visitation and then keep a log of his actions. This will help in the future if he starts to threaten taking action. bottom line is that you can't change him, it may take another 15 years for him to grow up and take some responsibility, but if in the meantime you have legal control you will set the tone until he does grow up. This will give you and your son the needed stability which will help you cope with his erratic behaviour. good luck |
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