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 The Ex is driving me crazy
 AM I being unreasonable?
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| Author | Topic: AM I being unreasonable? |
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jwg Member |
posted 03-07-2007 11:37 AM
  
My ex and I are having a disagreement over his access to Emerson. In the past he didn't bother seeing Emerson at all until a year ago when Emerson was about to be matched with a Big Brother. Then my ex jumped in and said he wanted to take Emerson one weekend a month and see him on Wednesday evenings. Although I knew that this much contact was just barely enough to get Emerson bumped from the Big Brother program, I was ok with it because it was alot more contact than there had been and Emerson was happy his dad finally wanted to spend time with him. So now it's a year later and Big Brothers is no longer monitoring the contact between my ex and Emerson and he is again messing with the time he spends. He has a new girlfriend that he has been accommodating for time at Emerson's expense. I have come to rely on the time Emerson is with his dad so I can go out and have a little life of my own but now the times keep getting changed so I can't plan anything with any certainty and he absolutely refuses to give me a specific pick up and drop off time so again my plans are up in the air or get dropped altogether. Yesterday I decided to put in writing very specific times for picking up and dropping off on the days my ex had originally selected as being best for him and in accordance with Emerson's activity schedule. I specified that he was to pick up Emerson at 6:00 and drop him off at 9:00 on the Wednesday evenings and the same pick up/drop off times for the third weekend of every month. I also stated that I wanted at least 24 hours notice if he wanted to take Emerson out to do other activities on unscheduled days. His only response when he read the memo was "I see someone is having a bad day." When Emerson came home he told me his dad said I was being unreasonable and now he wants Emerson to call him 2 days before his scheduled times to arrange things or they wouldn't go out at all. Emerson asked me why his dad just doesn't have a calendar like I have so he puts on 6 - 9 with Emerson and that time is always like that. I told Emerson it's not his responsibity to call his dad for this stuff, it's up to his dad to call him. By the way, my ex has an agenda for everything and makes notes on everything and everybody (it's creepy) so it's not like he doesn't keep track of his schedule and can't remember things. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Am I being selfish and unreasonable for wanting to know the specific times Emerson will be going out with his dad? It's the only way I can go out because Lord knows I can't afford to pay a babysitter more than once every month or two so I can go out and I don't like asking my friends to babysit unless it's a special occasion because they have their own lives. Our kids do go back and forth but we keep it to special occasions because we're all in the same boat. Thanks for listening to me moan. Juanita |
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JAYJAY Member |
posted 03-07-2007 01:13 PM
Why do they do it.....! I am sure it is just to get back at us, they just cant see that they are hurting the children, is it that they just dont care, or are to thick to see it. Hope it gets sorted out. You know where i am give me a call if it gets to much hun. Hugs to you both. -x-x- |
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shawn single dad |
posted 03-07-2007 07:40 PM
Juanita, You are doing exactly the right thing. Keep asserting yourself and he'll learn that he can't walk all over you and his own child. Your son needs a stable schedule, and he especially needs to be able to rely on his dad. Tell his dad as such and see if you can get him to sign, literally, onto a firm schedule. Tell him that this paper is not a commitment to you, but rather a commitment to his son. Good luck and stay strong |
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jwg Member |
posted 03-08-2007 03:39 PM
Thanks for your support. Sometimes I just need to hear I'm doing the right thing from other people. My interactions with my ex always leave me second-guessing myself. As far as getting him to sign a specific schedule, he'll never do it and, if he did sign something, he would only do it to humour me not because he actually intended to honour it and then he would just carry on doing whatever suits his needs not Emerson's. I will be shocked if he follows the times I set out in the memo but, if he doesn't, I will be documenting everything from now on especially since he got Emerson bumped from Big Brothers and has returned to his old routines now that they aren't keeping track. Anyway, thanks again for your reassurances. Juanita |
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kimber72 Member |
posted 03-11-2007 06:17 PM
I have the same problem. My ex is supposed to be here on wednesdays at 4:30 and Keep the kids until 8. He shows up usually at 5, wants to stay in the house with them, an then leaves at 6:30. For the past few weeks he has called me last minute to say he was not coming that "maybe" he would come the next day....I had to canel my plans all three times. I told him that I did not really care what days or times. But I wanted consistancy from him. It was not fair to me or the kids that he do this. And he says he loves the kids, and misses them. But his behavior of only staying for 1.5 hours, showing up late and leaving early, not taking them anywhere is contradictory. I had to begin to leave my house...because the kids would come looking for me when the ex would take a little cat nap on the couch during "his time". So NO you are doing the right thing, but you are not alone!!! Many people are selfish, and if you take some of that back you are doing yourself and Emerson justice! |
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