posted 03-02-2007 10:56 AM            

My daughter is going to have surgery. Because I thought I could get in troule law wise- we left message with her father saying she is going to have surgery soon. To my surprise, he called back and wants to know when , when we get the date.

Earlier that day, he called and left a weird message- he usually calls to leave a message that he isn't going to take her for visitation but he always has a excuse why- he is sick, his gf kids are sick, etc. But this time, he just said sternly he is cancelling.

He goes 6-8 months at time without taking her. So far it has been since xmas this time
He never calls to talk to her- ever. She leaves messages and he never calls back, The only communication we have is via answering machines. Something terrible happened at her school and he never called to check on her. She has told me she is angry at him and says he doesn't care about her. She is going to a counselor next friday to talk to them about her anger.

So why does he care to come to her surgery? I know if he comes, his gf will too. Because he has told our mutual friend she will not let him talk to me or be alone with me because she is insecure about us getting back to gether. That will never happen- our marriage was very abusive. I am still scared to be alone with him and probably will always be.

I just think this whole surgery thing is going to be a mess. My daughter doesn;t want him there- she is allowed two people and has already said that will be me and her grandma. She said he can come but she wants him in the waiting room only because in the words of a 6 yr old "all he knwos how to do is stare at me and yell at you"

posted 03-02-2007 12:09 PM            

You did the right thing by telling him. Let him know when and where the surgery will be, when you know it.

You will be there with someone else, your mom? Make sure you have someone with you at all times. If he shows up, well, he's her dad, he has the right. No matter his or the gf's behavior, don't get sucked in. You're there for your daughter, not them.

It will be hard. My ex was/is abusive, and I *hate* being around him. Scares the &*(# out of me. So I make sure to take someone with me at all times.

If your daughter doesn't want to see him after surgery, maybe you can talk with the doctor or the nurse about it. However, bottom line is that your ex has rights. Your daughter can say and do as she pleases, but do yourself a favor and don't be seen as interfering.