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 The Ex is driving me crazy
 just don't know
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| Author | Topic: just don't know |
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dadof3 Member |
posted 01-25-2007 06:03 PM
 
what to say or do. i was talking with my kids on the phone and they were asking why mommy yells at them all the time. and why is she mean to them. i gave them some honest answers and then was just trying to calm my oldest down and said that honey you have to get off the phone now so that i don't have to hear mommy's annoying voice, mind you this was kidding around....well got of the phone and a few minutes later she, the ex called back berating me about how could i do that. that it was no wonder they don't listen to her because i am always saying badly about her. no matter what i said she wouldn't listen. i just want to go away somewhere far, far away.................. |
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leigh1517 Member |
posted 01-25-2007 07:19 PM
I don't think you should have said that to your child even though it's normal to think it. That's putting your child in the middle even if you did mean it as a joke. A joke is supposed to be funny though, and that wasn't. I read on another post that you still want to be with your wife. Why? |
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motwgk Member |
posted 01-26-2007 09:18 AM
When my daughter asks why her dad does something, I usually say that I don't know, and that it would be a good thing to ask her dad. I also remind her that he loves her, even if sometimes he sounds/acts <fill in the blank>. Jokes about a child's parent aren't jokes to kids. They don't realize it's a joke. And they feel that it's about them, too - if their mom is <whatever>, they must be too, because they're "mom's little girl". I'd love to tell my daugher exactly what I think about her dad, but I know that would be the worst thing I could for my relationship with her. It's hard, but take the high road, everytime, no matter what. You'll be glad you did in the long run. |
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dadof3 Member |
posted 01-26-2007 11:26 AM
well after being berated by the ex i asked to speak with my daughter. when i spoke with my daughter i explained to her that what daddy did was wrong and that i apologized to her for doing so. she seemed to understand what i was saying. i also did this on my own volition, after thinking what i did was so utterly wrong and not what i should be doing.....in the end i apologized to the ex as well. sometimes i just wish that the filter would work, kwim |
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Bluebird Member |
posted 01-26-2007 11:39 AM
My daughter is 15 now and has seen how manipulative, dishonest and cold-hearted her father can be. Our marriage ended 4 years ago. At that age I didn't make jokes that would belittle her dad, but I did have a very hard time completely hiding my anger towards him. I believe we all express frustration about our exes to our kids; it will manifest itself one way or another.I think few here can honestly say that they don't badmouth the ex or demonstrate their frustration in some way. We're all human. It's gonna happen. How old are your kids? I think you did the right thing by apologizing. I know I've had to do that a lot. It may have been wrong to do, but please give yourself a break and just try to learn from it. |
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motwgk Member |
posted 01-26-2007 12:24 PM
You absolutely did the right thing by apologizing. Children learn by example. It's so hard to admit when we're wrong - no wonder our kids don't want to do it! But when they see us do it, it not only teaches a good lesson, but sets a valuable life lesson. |
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leigh1517 Member |
posted 01-26-2007 02:34 PM
I also think it's great that you apologized. That is a great example for your daughter and she will admire you for it. bluebird is right - it's almost impossible to never say anything negative or at least give out negative vibes to our kids. I have been guilty of the same thing especially in the first year of the split. |
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dadof3 Member |
posted 01-26-2007 02:35 PM
yeah i feel better that i on my own asked to speak with my daughter to apologize and to tell her what i did was wrong. i have 3 girls ages 8 and 6 and 6 and to answer the other question why i still may want to be with the ex is i never asked for this, she threw me out for no reason other that 'i don't love you anymore'......some days are good while others are not so much......but the good days are much more than the bad ones |
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dadof3 Member |
posted 01-26-2007 02:39 PM
also i have taken the high road so many times, it is just that sometimes the frustration factor gets to be too much. if you read the last post on how it ended, there is more to this, she moved my kids out of state as well, to 'start fresh'. i could go on and on, but i won't perhaps if there is a private area i could/can tell you all some more at some point. you know some times it is cathartic to get it all out instead of keeping it all bottled up inside...... |
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motwgk Member |
posted 01-26-2007 04:47 PM
LOL. A *lot* of us know more about taking the high road than we ever wanted to! It's hard, but the right thing. One day at a time... |
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leigh1517 Member |
posted 01-26-2007 09:29 PM
It's definitely a good thing to get your feelings out and not keep them bottled up inside. Maybe you have done that for too long and that's why you're having a hard time letting go of her. I tell my boys all the time to talk about their feelings so they can begin to heal. I think the longer you hold your feelings in, the longer it takes to start healing. |
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dadof3 Member |
posted 01-28-2007 09:07 AM
i think that the worst part of this is that over the past few months we became friends, good friends and not in the sexual sense....we talked about each others dating and stuff and then she was being really nice, as in inviting me to thanksgiving and also inviting me over every know and then for dinner. maybe my head got to thinking that hey maybe we could work this out.....but no there were some other motives i believe....who knows....just have to let it all go and not be as good friends with her kwim? just be there for the girls and nothing else....... |
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