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 The Ex is driving me crazy
 what can I do about my crazy ex?
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| Author | Topic: what can I do about my crazy ex? |
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jenahoover Member |
posted 12-28-2006 02:40 PM
  
I'm in desperate need for some advice? My ex will not stop with harrassing phone calls or middle of the night suicide threats. We have joint custody but I have had our daughter for the past two weeks straight because he is unstable and can't have her around right now.(his girlfriend broke up with him) I don't know if I should call cps or what to do because I don't feel like my daughter is safe over there. I've recorded a few messages he has left, but still, with the court system, I don't know how I could even prove he's unstable and bi polar. She's due to go back this coming tuesday-thursday. Does anyone know if there is anything I can do? I went to see a lawyer before, but he said since we've had joint custody of her from the beginning, it's highly unlikely I could get full custody  I'm worried for her life |
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Bluebird Member |
posted 12-28-2006 04:21 PM
Hi, I am so sorry for what you're going through. My ex is bipolar so I know what that rollercoaster is like. I don't know the laws where you live, but if you believe daughter is really in danger then you shouldn't let her go to his house alone (it doesn't sound as if you should go there alone with her, either). Keep those phone tapes in case you need them later. In my state, my lawyer told me I should trust my instincts and not let our daughter visit if my ex seemed sick, but that I should always be prepared to explain why I kept her from visiting him. If your ex is sick and suicidal, your daughter shouldn't be alone with him, no matter how loving he is towards her. If he's that sick, he's a danger to himself and others. Period. Does he make threats to you, or her or suicidal threats on tape? Have you told him he doesn't seem stable enough to see her? If so, how does he react? Does he have a history of mental illness that he acknowledges? Can you approach him to say that he might need help now? When my ex was at his sickest, we were married. I talked him into going to a hospital and the counselors there told me I needed to give him an ultimatum-- they advised me to tell him that he must get treatment or I wouldn't go home to him with our daughter. It was the only way to get him to stay at the hospital and get help. Even later, I was seen as the trouble-maker who manipulated him into an unnecessary hospital stay. He's never really acknowledged that he needed help. I can't imagine that you could give him an ultimatum now. You could involve the police; they would want to see him and evaluate his state of mind (the police said mine wasn't a danger, so just left without giving any more help). Maybe you could talk to an intake counselor at your local mental hospital. They might be able to advise you. I really hesitate to give you advice on this because mental illness is like skating on paper-thin ice. My heart goes out to you! Call and talk to a crisis mental health counselor-- ASAP. This sounds serious. You need help now.
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atwitsend Member |
posted 12-28-2006 08:13 PM
I had a similiar situationw ith my ex years ago- my daughter is now 5 but at the timeshe was three. He had broke up with his gf, and threatened to kill himself at work in front of his co-workers- which his family was stupid enough to tell me but thank god. He then a week later threatened me and told me if I didn;t drop my daughter off he would get her and run, so to make a long story short-- I talked to a police advocate who told me that a threat alone would grant me a order of protection- thus protecting her until he agreed to conseling. maybe ask your lawyer about that. I wish I had the answers for you but I have found that the courts really don't protect a child before things happen but then fix them afterwards ( most of the time). I wish you lots of luck and just do your best to protect your child- no one else will. |
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Bluebird Member |
posted 12-29-2006 12:13 AM
My ex used to call late at night when we first separated. The calls used to upset me to the point that I started turning my phones off at bedtime. It was wonderful to not be awakened or upset whenever the whim struck him to call. Four years later, I still turn the phones off at bedtime. It helps me a lot. In spite of the nightmare of divorce, bipolar disorder and alcoholism, that nighttime peace is priceless. I watch my answering machine in case someone really needs to reach me. But in 4 years, that has never happened. Maybe you could shut your phones off if he won't leave you alone. |
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SueZeeKew Member |
posted 01-01-2007 09:40 PM
Jennahoover, I'm not happy with your attorney's response to your situation. Things can change from one month to the next. The circumstances certainly seem to merit a review of the custody agreement. State laws vary, but most try to protect children. Go with your instincts; if you do not think your attorney is truly an advocate for you, interview others. My soon-to-be-ex abuses alcohol and I am struggling with the issues of shared custody. But I did have my lawyer insist that he not have her overnight (he drinks in the evenings and I am afraid for her safety). I was surprised what the courts can order - like a psyciatric evaluation, a drug/alcohol evaluation, etc. These are things your attorney should be able to advise you of. It is a lot to deal with - the shattered dreams, the new status of "single parent"... it becomes almost unbearable when you are concerned with not only the psycological but physical welfare of your child. There are a lot of us dealing with similar issues, and we all care. |
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sandra Member |
posted 01-03-2007 02:29 PM
you need to find a lawyer who has more personal interest in her well being. Some offer free phone consults, call around and see if you can find someone who is willing to fight a litle bit for her well bei |
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