posted 09-20-2006 02:00 PM            

After reading this, what is your perception? Does it sound like he was 'hitting' on me by asking to come in my car with me, and when I declined he was insulted and that's why he's discrminated against me?

does it sound like maybe he has issues with women who are custodial parent ( i am pretty sure he's not married but he does have a child....is this some issue from his own past, that makes it a bit too personal for him??)

posted 09-20-2006 03:34 PM         

When reading your topic i felt very uneasy,
first i thought maybe he was hitting on you, then i wondered if he knows your ex and they are up to something.

Has he said anything to your daughter?
She may have said something that he has taken the wrong way.
Over here they jump on anything and sometimes take it the wrong way.

I would go and see him again and then ask him out straight what is going on and if you dont get any joy go over his head.

I hope things sort themselfs out soon.

posted 09-20-2006 03:39 PM            

So here's a few things to consider.

When it comes to parenting plans, in my school district, they physically have to see a certified copy of the parenting plan, seal and all. They make a copy of it, initial it and put it in their "book". Seeing a copy of a certified copy would not work in my district. If they can't see and feel the seal, it doesn't count. And they managed to lose mine twice. I finally had to take in the certified copy, meet with the principal, the head admin, and the teacher at the same time to get it right.

Second, in my state, both parents have equal access to school records. It may be that your ex has either contacted the school, or been contacted by the school, having to do with something that he's required to be notified about. It doesn't have anything to do with custodial status.

Third, again in my school district, if a child misses more than x number of days, the state gets involved. This is to protect the child from parents who don't regard school as important. I say this only because it's the law, and they're required to do certain actions. Not implying you'd let your child miss school on purpose. I don't have the school handbook in front of me, but state law requires the school to notify officials.

All this said, his actions sound odd. First, because he should be willing to schedule meetings *with* you, and not *for* you. Second, because I can't think of an education professional who should visit your house. If there were an issue with the number of days missed, it would be local authorities who would visit your house, not a school official. (And again, all of this is hypothetical.)

I don't think you'd be out of line to suggest to the school officials that if he can't reschedule a meeting for you, that he'd need to schedule it for you and your attorney. Or that if he wants to come visit you at your house, you'd be happy to do that when your attorney could be there. I think that if you suddenly started throwing around the phrase "my attorney", that things might improve. A bluff, but possibly an effective one.

You might also send it to him at the school again, registered and certified mail. A cost, but at least you could verify that he had it. Or possible arrange to drop it off at the district level, talk with them and have them get the information to the school. If the district seems more cooperative, ask for a meeting between them, the principal and yourself.

posted 09-20-2006 04:16 PM            

Sandra I have to be honest with you chances is you daughter fears and anxiety attacks may be a reaction to all the animosity that she is sensing between you and your ex. If she is taking medication you may want to look into possible side effect which may include paranoia, hallucinations, and anything else in that category. When my daughter was on a particular med she was hearing voices and seeing things that were not there.

It’s important for the sake of you and your daughter’s well being to not allow all the court procedures, ex drama, money problems, and any thing else that might be stressing you to get the best of you, remain calm and in control at all times. My brother once told me Lisa’ we all know what a damn good mother you are to your kids, but if you go into the court room with your emotions you are going to lose. A judge wants to see a parent who is in complete control even under such stressful circumstances. Once I allowed myself to not react to any of my ex’s head games I started to feel better about myself and who I was as a woman, mother, and individual with rights.

From what I have read thus far, you are a good mother who is only looking out for the best interest of her daughter. The only thing I would change is your way of viewing things. You cannot change your sister, your ex, or anyone else for that matter. You have to learn to cut ties that are toxic to you and your daughter even if it means no more holidays with the family. I think your daughter has endured enough stress in her life she do not need an unsupportive and uncaring aunt making her feel unloved or unimportant.

Please take all this out of love and concern for you and your daughter.

motwgk I just read your reply -- well said.

posted 09-21-2006 10:57 AM            

The principal knows very well that if he was to go to court to speak on either parent’s behalf that he could lose his job. I highly doubt he is going to put his job on the line. If your child does not go to that school then why are you still in contact with that principal?

posted 09-21-2006 12:05 PM            

i know 99% of the time a principal would not run down to court to take sides with a parent. BUT, becuse of his very unusual and biased actions towards me before, and even recently, it fits with how this person is. For example, at end of year after she was absent I gave him the dr. note, and asked he excuse her absence. Do you know what he told me? Okay, I will mark it off? Anyone would think so. No, he told me that attendance is something that is ongoing in any students' career, and he 'could not say either way' if it was excused or not, regardeless of doctor note. I asked him why not, that's what parents alwasy do, bring a doctor note, he said that if he excused her absence it would be 'like excusing future absences'. I told him I am not asking you to 'excuse future absence' (this is impossible anyways, I could not follow his Alice in wonderland logic) I asked politely he just excuse the recent absence in light of doctor note. He said "I can't that would be like excusing the future'. I didnt know how to go around that loop with him anymore, his voice was very acid and rude, and it was obvious he either has dyslexia and doesnt understand what it means to excuse an absence OR he is giving me a hard time.
Later in summer he announced a meeting on my voicemail. I called to ask he make it another time, bc I could not make that time, and he said he would not reschedule, because "he had already scheduled" and then told me gladly that her dad (noncustodial parent) would be there, so it didnt matter if I was or not.
Anyways, given any other person, I would assume of course they wont go to court, but this man has personal issues maybe from his own life that have made him take up my ex's cause. It seems like after the point where I told him I would rather not have him come home with me in my car, that things got ugly...i still remember when he asked me that, and I was shocked, thought he was joking, and then said I would rather not, his face got kind of red and he got quiet and said 'I dont know why you wouldnt want to..' and then it became very personal after that point. I guess I could have let him 'hop in my car and come home with me' but I didnt feel right about that. Can you imagine people seeing us drive in my car to my house? So, I said no thanks, but he acted as if I were obligated to do so and was very insulted.

posted 09-21-2006 01:49 PM         

If these problems persist you have rights and can take this to the department of education, you don't know how many other parents this has happened to that have not stepped up. They might if someone else does.

posted 09-21-2006 02:03 PM            

that is good input, thanks. I just mainly dont understand 2 things (I already understand the principal has issues and was out of line) but my 2 things I don't get are:

1) Why it would be against her old school's 'policy' for a teacher to jot down 5 or 6 sentences about my character, how I participated in her education. That is NOT biased, or being inappropriately involved,...it is just a teacher saying 'this parent attended the conferences, she got tutoring for her daughter, she was helpful. AMen' why is that a big deal? But, the teacher claims, and I recall this from years ago, that her boss, the principal at the school doesnt allow the teachers to do even that basic of a help.

posted 09-21-2006 02:49 PM         

You are going to have to find out what the districts policies are or you are going to continue to stress over it which isn't going to do you or your daughter any good.