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 The Ex is driving me crazy
 custody battle!
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| Author | Topic: custody battle! |
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alicat New Member |
posted 09-12-2005 12:16 AM
  
I'm a nursing student and I have 2 girls, 1 1/2 and 6y.o. Everyone wants to cry when I tell them this and I don't see a way out and I'm dying here!!! I was going to school 4 days a week last spring semester and the courts granted my huspand, we are separated, custody 5 days a week, because he works weekends. He fought for custody, because he didn't want to pay for childcare and child support. My heart is so burdened right now. I went back to court to get full custody and the judge let me say 2 sentences and said she saw nothing wrong with the agreement and dismissed the case. The ex never held the baby, of his own choosing, he would always take the older daughter for visits, but never the baby until now and he has her 5 days a week. I can't handle this, I'm dropping out of school, because I can't read the books, because in the back of my mind school is the reason I don't have my baby. When we were together, I was going to school and taking care of the elder daughter and pregnant, I would ask him to take care of the older daughter for one hour, becuase I just needed a break, he wouldn't. He would say "A break from what?" and then "No." I feel like just giving him the kids full time and running off and just living my life until the kids can decide to have me in thier life without him or I have contemplated leaving the country. I just don't see a way out. Guys??? Gals??? Hey, and don't bash me, because i want to leave my kids, they need me etc. etc. I know, but I'm dying here. Even his own mother said she would testify in court that I should have the kids, so she says. He's a really bad father, never makes them wear seat-belts, feeds then Mc Donalds every day, sometimes 2x's a day, candy for breakfast, let's them hang out 2nd story windows and social services doesn't give a damn neither, they say there is nothing they can do until they get hurt or not fed at all. What if I left the state? There isn't anything in writing about the distance that we can live from one another, can I go to Hawwaii? I can handle him having a relationship with them ,but this is too much and it's a control issue with him, he thinks he's won something. How do you sit and watch him ruin 2 beautiful girls? |
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shawn single dad |
posted 09-12-2005 08:59 PM
running away will only compound the issue, stay in school, and see a therapist to help you move forward. the situation will improve if you let it, but you must be patient and do what is necessary so you can grow, if you do then you will strengthen yourself and your position and ultimately have a better life for yourself and your children you are in my prayers |
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leigh1517 Member |
posted 09-13-2005 05:38 AM
That would be awful to have your baby away from you all week, but Shawn is right. DON'T quit school and don't move away. Concentrate on school during the week and give it all you have. Then on the weekends, be the best parent you can be to your kids. Maybe by the time you get through school, you will be able to have your kids back with you during the week. Hang in there and don't give up. You can do it. Pray that God gives you the strength you need. Good luck! |
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2setsofroses Member |
posted 09-13-2005 08:21 AM
I can truly empathize with your feelings of hopelessness. All I need to do is imagine my four boys living with their Dad 5 days a week! Thankfully, there is a part of him that chooses not to sacrifice so much and he does know the boys will be cared for better by me. However, if I were ever put in your situation, I would first struggle through the desparate feelings you are now experiences and then, I would create a plan. How in the 2 to 3 days that I have my children, can I positively influence their lives? What kinds of things could I do to even have an impact while they are not in my care? Did you ever read the book NAPKINS...Lunch Bag Notes from Dad? It is about a Dad who was determined to be "more than" a weekend Dad even though custody arrangements were just that. Through his love, determination and commitment, he infuenced his girls in such a positive way...Even more than many who live full time with a parent. Your girls will need you more now than ever. Their knowing that you love them, want them and will always be there for them will put enough security within their hearts to help them to succeed. Running will obviously crush their spirits. Remember that nothing is carved in stone and all things can change! Do the BEST you with what you have now without ever giving up on what you think is best for your girls. Fight your fight with dignity and honor and know that even the things that seem small will be etched in the hearts and minds of your girls. Hang in there and surround yourself with those that can help you through this.
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sandra Member |
posted 06-24-2006 05:45 PM
i know this is an older post, but thought i'd reply anyways. I think from what i've heard, the longer the kids live with him, the harder it would be to go in and change that. I would recommend finding some type of legal counsel to represent you in court so that you have a chance of getting your kids back. While i agree you should stay in school and do whatever you need to take care of yourself, you also need to realize that if you wait a year, or two, or 5, and then go to court after you are ready, the court may look at it and not make any changes. The sooner you go, the morechance from waht I know about law, the more chance you have to get your kids back with you. The lawyer would maybe want to go in and say that that the judgement was decided wrongly, because of x y and z (because father has not shown interest or appropriat eparenting skills, and that the children shouldnt have been taken from you to start with). It would proably be a battle but better to start now than wait any longer. The judge might want to see that you are able to be with your kids more time, so maybe you should do school p/t or a degree completion program (they have these at different schools where you can complete your degree p/t at more convenient hours) |
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Becca7997 New Member |
posted 08-12-2007 02:09 AM
DON'T RUN AWAY!! I feel like this would be a bad choice...even though you feel like you need a break and time to sort your thoughts out, truely can you ask yourself....how long will I be gone before I think about my children?....for me I would be feeling gulity for leaving my son and it would be a constant wonder what he was doing. I tell you this out of concern. I am a single Mommy of a wonderful 21 month old little boy...and he is my world. I can not imagine what I would do with out him....my soon to be ex has court orders to see him every other Tuesday from 12-5....and this is too much for me... I do not like it when he is away from me even for that amount of time. I feel like that maybe you need to just take a little vacation and pamper yourself. When you come back, return with an attitude that you are their Mommy and you will do whatever it takes to make the children happy (not that they are not happy with Dad)...but are you happy with your children being with him?? You children can sense your feelings and if you are bitter and want to run away...they are feeling bitter and will want to run away from you. That is not fair to them. I am sure that they love you and I know that they need you...and you love them and you need them in your life. Anyway, take a break and come back in smiling and taking control of your childrens lives. I feel like if you run away from the situation...then Dad has won the game....we do not want him to win nor pat himself on the back...heck no! Make a list of priorities in your life....I will share mine with you... 1. God - he will always be there!! Life is too short to just blow it off. Please do not quit school. You have made it this far...there is light at the end of the tunnel for you....you can do it! Don't quit. Prove your ex wrong. Get that degree, get the kidos...and LIVE YOUR LIFE TO IT'S FULLEST! |
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