posted 07-10-2010 04:55 AM            

My 16 year old is very smart but loves to argue impossible situations. If something has one scintilla's chance of happening, she argues it will in her habitually adopting the Contrarian's viewpoint. So because she thought she heard me slur my words over the phone one time 5 years ago, she believes this gives her justification to fear being in my presence.

She may just have fear of being around her father even they we webcam weekly and she shows no fear or reluctance to meet with me.

Her hormones are particularly active too in that she has many outbursts with her period occurring twice versus once per month.

This may not be real fear but rather just a teen power struggle to try to force conditions on her parents. There is no foundation for her insisting her younger be with us at all times, but because the owner of my home has said 1 guest at a time, my daughter now feels the need to ARGUE her case and is making up perceived fears that I might "get drung" versus just admitting her extreme position is wrong.

If I begin to argue my own sobriety and fitness to my daughter, this becomes something I cannot prove long distance, but it also gives some level of credibility to her claim by puttiing me on the defensive. Her mother should just tell her these fears are ridiculous and force her to come visit, but it was her mother who initially PLANTED these boggus fears, so her parental alienation against me has worked....i.e. the child has ADOPTED in this case at least one belief.

I am at the level where I don't think debating with my teen will do any good in that she also has a growing habit of just hanging up if you don't agree with what she says or thinks -- as if she is the boss and her parents need to do as she says. Classic out-of-control teen with little to no respect for authority although she does perform well with teachers -- just not her elders at home.

I do believe there are some unreasoning anxieties here that might be dealt with via outside counseling and I will be speaking with my daughters physicians about that. But is there ANY counter argument I can make bo my teen daughter who believes that -- because I HAVE drunk alcohol in the past, and she believes I slurred on the telephone once in 9 years, this means I will get drunk if she comes to visit as her alienating mother has taught her to believe.

How to answer this attack on parental credibility and fitness? (Note that moving to same area didn't work before and should not be considered an option now.)