 UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! |
 Single Parents Online Chat Boards
 Parenting
 Visitation???... need advice
|
| next newest topic | next oldest topic |
| Author | Topic: Visitation???... need advice |
|
winddancer56 Member |
posted 11-13-2009 10:43 PM
  
I am so lost. I am back with the love of my life. Or at least the guy I have wanted back since the day we parted. Vice versus... Anyhow... Since the last time of us being together he got married and had a child. They have now been seperated for two of those three years. Now that he is back with me she will not allow him to see his son. It breaks my heart. She is using him as a pawn in this battle and there is nothing I can do. First she said she didn't have gas or money to bring him to our town to visit his father or grandmother. When offered to be given gas money or to have him picked up she has changed her story. Now she says that she fears for her sons safety.... I know its because she is punishing my boyfriend. When they first met she was going through the exact same thing with her last ex. She had a three month old daughter by him and would not allow him to see her. Claiming the same thing. Since then that little girl began to know my boyfriend as dad. Now that little girl has had three dads in three years. I don't want this to happen to his son!!! Now she has a new boyfriend and another baby (that she claims is my boyfriends as well... but the time frame does not add up)... ALL of the kids call the new boyfriend dad! They have only been together for 8 months! Its cruel! It breaks my heart that there is nothing I can do. I feel it is my fault. We are willing to help her and she wants help but will not allow him to see his son! She says there is nothing we can do until we go to court (which she says I will not be allowed to attend). Further which there is not even a court date in sight! He hasn't seen his son in 6 months. He just turned 2 years old and she won't allow even his grandmother to see him. By the time he sees his son he will not know him. This is making me so physically and mentally sick and I just don't know what to do!!! I feel so helpless in all of this. Am I???? This is the first time I have used a chatroom(?) I am just so over whelmed... Does anyone know what I can do/ what we can do??? I can't wait for a court date that hasn't even been set. My boyfriend misses his son and it seems there has to be something we can do to make something happen?!?! |
|
shawn single dad |
posted 11-14-2009 05:03 PM
He must get a lawyer and request joint custody. It is normally given, but that also means child support. But this is important so he can be a full dad to his son and so his son knows he has a dad that loves him. The mom can't prevent anyone from coming to court. You should go there to show the judge that he has support. It may cost some money but if he doesn't get joint custody and a good visitation schedule then he will forever be subjected to that woman's whims. |
|
winddancer56 Member |
posted 11-17-2009 03:34 PM
That's what we are working on now. I know she is going to request full custody (or any to keep them apart as much as she can)(what she did to the last guy). Where we are there are a lot of judges that rule for the mother and very few for the father. Will a lawyer know which is which? And who decides? Whoever makes the first move? |
|
shawn single dad |
posted 11-17-2009 08:03 PM
I don't think you can choose your judge, but that said I think that it is very commmon for joint custody to be granted. The mother will get the majority of control by default of being the primary parent, but the other parent needs to see the big picture and be consistently there. Insist on a generous visitation schedule, not just a day or two every other week or once a month. Yes, ask for the moon to show you are serious and committed. Don't be afraid of the process, instead pray and trust in God, and in your lawyer  The key is to fight (in a reasonable and controlled manner) as opposed to just letting it happen. It will be a trying time, even after court, so just be patient and stay commmitted to the child. Good luck and God Bless |
|
winddancer56 Member |
posted 11-18-2009 03:46 PM
Now only to find extra money to find a lawyer! Thank you! |
|
shawn single dad |
posted 11-18-2009 05:26 PM
Ask friends and relatives for references and go in or call for an initial consultation. Usually you can set up some kind of payment plan. The point is to not delay, get the process moving, it will take time. |
|
winddancer56 Member |
posted 11-18-2009 07:10 PM
They are still married so we would have to go for a divorce first? Would they do the divorce and set up custody at the same time? |
|
shawn single dad |
posted 11-18-2009 07:40 PM
Yes, it's probably best to get everything done at once. But, and I'm not trying to judge you, but why are you with a guy who is still married? Divorce is a long and troubling time for all involved. How can he give to you 100% if he is still wrapped up, legally and emotionally, in a contentious relationship with another? I think people need time to heal between relationships, otherwise they don't grow and learn. Instead he is using you as a crutch and escape to avoid dealing with himself. Eventually, once the divorce is final, he is going to start questioning where he is at in life, and you and your relationship are likely to be the next casualty. Be careful. There are a ton a good guys out there who are not involved the hurting storm that is divorce and custody fights. |
All times are CT | next newest topic | next oldest topic |
  |
|
© 2000-2009 Single Parents Online Network
Powered by: Ultimate Bulletin Board, Version 5.44a
Resources of Shared Experiences by Single Parents for Single Parents
© Infopop Corporation (formerly Madrona Park, Inc.), 1998 - 2000.