posted 01-16-2008 12:56 PM         

I have a 2.5 yr old little girl who's father choices to see her when HE wants to. If he feels like partying and being drunk for 4 days, he does.... and then calls when HE feels like seeing our daughter. He has told her "Daddy will be back tomorrow after work" and then never shows up.. OR calls. He's promised her ice skating and such things for the next day, and no call-no showed. My daughter constantly asks where he is, and at one time in a grocery store, she saw a man with his little girl in the cart, and my daughter began asking where HER daddy was, whining, and saying "Me want me Daddy!" .... I don't know if it's better for her to have him now and then in her life, or to all together ban him from seeing her at all. I'm looking for advice, but also "medical" emotional reasons pointing for either decision. *I* feel it'd be better for her to not see him at all, but would like to know if this would be worse for her (emotionally and mentally) because I just want what's BEST for HER!!

Additional Details:

He's really strict with her, like he expects her to behave like an 8 yr old, and makes her cry when she doesn't because he scolds her with a really low, mean voice (for doing things any 2.5 yr old does, not knowing it's wrong, etc). He IS *EXTREMELY* selfish, self-centered, self-concerned. HE is ALL that matters, what HE wants. He doesn't care what I say or how I feel about the way he raises or disciplines our daughter, he does it anyways. He doesn't care what anyone says or wants (including our daughter), it's all about HIM. Even when it comes to her Doctor, my ex thinks he knows everything and doctor's are clueless. I mean seriously, this guy is arrogant to point of no return.

I'm afraid he'll mess up her ability to trust, know the importance of honesty, BE honest, etc.

I should note that this is his 5th child (my first), and he doesn't see any of his other kids.

One lives in CA (we're in WI), so that's understandable (although he never calls when he could either)

His other 3 SUPPOSEDLY he isn't allowed to see on the Mother's choice... but I'm starting to think it was the same stuff that I'm experiencing now! If only I had known earlier...

All in all, I don't trust this guy. He drives like a moron (with no license), doesn't care if the carseat is loose and installed incorrectly because HE doesn't want to deal with it, doesn't care if the straps over her shoulders are too loose or too tight, has his music WAY too loud for precious 2 yr old ears (and not censored music either).. and of course doesn't care what I say about it, purposely makes his back end spin out because "he's a perfect driver and would never crash", speeds, cuts people off (with no turn signal on top of it), and even takes her out of her car seat and sits her on his lap to "let her drive"... I mean I DO NOT TRUST THIS GUY. I don't let my daughter out of my sight, ever. The agreement (up until these recent broken promises when I told him he'd never see her again) was that he could come HERE and visit her, with me here. I don't ever let him drive with her, never take her out of my sight, etc... I don't trust him.

I would stick to the 'not out of sight' rule regardless, but should I even allow this guy to be in her life at all? He IS a good father WHEN HE WANTS TO BE. Kids absolutely adore him, he plays awesome etc... kid at heart... but as a FATHER he just lacks in the care and safety areas... and keeping promises, and being consistent about seeing his child, and CHOOSING HIS CHILD OVER ALCOHOL, FRIENDS, AND PARTYING, etc..

posted 01-20-2008 01:04 AM            

It is so hard to know what to do sometimes, i guess all I could add is to protect your little girl, if you can get a lawyer, talk to a child counselor and definately follow up with what Shawn mentioned.

posted 01-20-2008 11:31 AM         

HE did mention setting days/times where he could see her, but I said *I* WOULD be present during the visits. He didn't agree with it, but I think he may be coming around now. He's been calling and acting really nice to me, even complimenting me, so I know he's trying to get something from me... but I think he's accepting the fact that visits will include me. At least I hope he is, because I won't change my mind.

I allowed him to bring our daughter to McDonald's on Friday. He was calling and asking and I didn't know what to do, so I allowed it. My daughter was talking about him a lot lately and I wanted to see how it would go, but I DID GO TOO. It was actually really nice, he played with her for hours in the playland and never once got mean or rough. We also got along great and I think it opened him up to accepting my presence during visits.

He refuses to come here (my house) for visits, so I'm not sure how that's going to work. I live with my parents again while I go back to school for an Associate's and experience single parenthood. My dad hates him and he knows it, so he won't come around here. I guess we could figure out places to meet all the time, I'm just not sure how that would seem to my daughter.

Anyways, thanks for everyone's opinions and replies, I truly appreciate it. I hope my daughter's life doesn't get destroyed from this.

[This message has been edited by MommaOf1 (edited 01-20-2008).]

posted 01-23-2008 09:30 PM            

GET HIM OUT OF YOUR DAUGHTERS LIFE AND YOURS TOO.