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 Single , Recovering Addict, Frustrated, Lonley
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| Author | Topic: Single , Recovering Addict, Frustrated, Lonley |
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Lillyzmom Member |
posted 10-16-2007 10:46 PM
  
I am a mother of one precious little girl. I am 28 years old and I am a recovering addict. The father of my daughter is a current addict. He stopped for a while then started up again. And when he did I of course fell off the wagon as well. The only difference this time is that I had/have a daughter to think about this time. I cant drag her threw something that she cannot defend herself from. (you know what I am saying) Anyhow. I left him about a month ago. And everytime he calls its like a rollercoaster, sometimes he is nice then other times it is all my fault. Then he is also on parole, and now he is so far gone into what he is doing, that he now has a warrent for his arrest. I left him in arizona, I moved back to california where my family is. Now that he has a warrent his parole officer in arizona is going to send him back to washington, where he was origonaly on parole. ( he got an interstate compact) He and I wanted to start a family together, we talked about having kids and stopping with the whole illegal way of life. But for some reason he couldnt stop. He was in prison when our daughter was born, when he found out I was pregnant and he was in jail. He is constantly in and out of jail/prison. But yet I still love him. Even though he is 800 miles away in arizona, I still want him to change, even though in my heart I know he wont change untill he is ready. How do I let go? How do I keep on track and not get depressed. I love my daughter with all of my heart body and soul. And she deserves better then to have parents on drugs. She also deserves a father though. I wish he would change. I really dont know if this all makes sence to those who are reading this. But I hope you get the jist of my frustration, and helplessness. Man, just yesturday I went to get state assistance so I could go back to school, because I have no money, no job, no car, nothing. My mother and father are helping me get on my feet. And I felt guilty as if I was turning him in to child support services. (the state gives money to me and takes it from him threw child support, because he is the absent parent.) why in the world should I feel bad, I shouldnt. But I love him and I still hold out hope for him. For him and I to still be together again one day. Is that wrong? Is that bad? I wish I could just let it go. I suppose sonner or later I will. Thanks for reading my babble. |
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saltisandi Member |
posted 10-25-2007 06:40 PM
Let your parents help you if they are willing. You are lucky for that. Get yourself cleaned up. Take care of you and your daughter. The father will NEVER change. I don't have to know him to tell you that. Anyone with a brain can tell you that. Don't feel guilty for getting child support. You will need EVERY penny to survive. Stop trying to be nice. You do not need a man in your life. Especially the man you decribed and I can promise you he will never change. It will be the hardest thing you ever do, but worth it in the end. Good luck to you. I hope you make the right choice. If you chose to go back to him do the right thing and let your family take care of your daughter so she is not harmed by you and your boyfriends reckless way of life. If this comes across as 'harsh' or 'mean' I am sorry, but it seems to me you need to wake up and start looking at things more clearly. Take responsiblity for your choices in life. Lisa |
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Papa_Coughyhead New Member |
posted 11-15-2007 05:52 AM
just wanted to say " you are doing a good job " I'm the single dad that was in prison when my son was born, i'm the single dad that chose drugs over family for a longtime, i'm the dad that is working on bettering himself for the sake of my boys. I'm the dad that found out he had a 4 month old son, and the mother(addicted to meth) abandoned him just like all her other kids.I'm the dad that stepped up with no job, disabled...etc, etc and took custody of my boys. I'm the dad that worked through all the hoops with Child Protective Services to get my first son in my custody. I'm the dad that faced up to the responsibility when I had a child of mine in need for love and nuturing. I'm the Dad that gave these boys their lives. I'm the dad that is busting his butt like he never has before to find a place we can call home. I'm the dad that would. I love my boys (Christopher/19 months old, Connor/4 months old) I'm proud to say that I am the Father that cares about the well-being of his family, as it should be.
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Bluebird Member |
posted 11-16-2007 04:35 PM
Papa, You're the dad who's my hero for today. Your story gave me goosebumps and tears in my eyes. Isn't it the most priceless feeling in the world, struggling and working for the best things in life? Your children will benefit and thank you, God will bless you, and when you lie your head down at night you'll know you did your best to do what's right. One day at a time. |
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Lillyzmom Member |
posted 11-26-2007 11:29 PM
SaltiSandi thank you for your words and i appreciate the honesty!! I am taking responsibilty for my life, and I know now he will never change thanks again!! |
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