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 Custody Case
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| Author | Topic: Custody Case |
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Steph New Member |
posted 10-02-2007 02:37 PM
 
I have a three year old son, who has maybe seen his father...oh-a handful of times. I'll say, maybe 5. Granted, he's military, but he IS in the USA. I'm in Ohio and he is in Kansas. I understand that he cannot come out to see his son every other weekend or even remotely close to that, but come on...5 times in 3 years!!! And the times he did see him, may have been just meeting us for breakfast at Frisch's an hour before he had to be at the airport to fly back home to his wife and new daughter! I get child support, yes...not much.. not enough to even cover half of what I spend a month on my son's daycare! But, more than many single parents so I try not to complain too much. Anyway.. I was appalled and hurt when my son's dad seved me with court papers for a custody battle. Visitation would be one thing, even though that would prove to be extremely difficult being that we live hundreds of miles apart... but he is going for joint custody! He wants joint custody of a child in which he has never made a true attempt to see. When his dad comes to town, he spends his long weekends going out a partying with all his old buddies...when he could be spending time with his little boy. I am just stunned that he is battling me for this!! I keep thinking to myself, what judge in their right mind would award joint custody to a nearly absent father, expecially when there is absolutly NOTHING that he can use against me to prove me a negligent parent. I have a big farm house in the middle of nowhere, its clean, and safe. I live alone, just me and my son. He's well fed, bathed, educated, diciplined, entertained, loved. We have everything we could ever want, the only thing we MAYBE are missing, is a father-figure. But we are so happy and fullfilled otherwise, that its not something we can't do without. I worry to death about loosing him for 3-5 months out of the year. I worry about him loosing me. He would think I had just abandoned him and dissappeared, him being shipped off to some stranger like father. It kills me to even think this could happen. Everyone I talk to says "oh, you have nothing to worry about. They lean towards the mother in situations like this. You're a wonderful parent who's been there since day one, they wouldn't award joint custody, at least not at only 3 years old". But I can't help but think that they might.... He is a soldier. In a time as what we are in, our military is looked upon (by most) so compassionatly and sincerely. He is married, has another child, a nice apartment, and is by no means incalpable of raising this child on a joint custody basis. I don't know.... He is going into court representing himself, which I think is a huge advantage to me. What do you guys think? How much should I let this way on my mind? Also, the lawyer I am looking at using is charging me a $6,000 retainer fee... now, I make good money... but that is not money that is just sitting around in my savings... so I am also toiling with battling him one on one... is that stupid? Should I suck it up and try to find a way to come up with this extra cash, so I don't risk as much of a chance? Please... any thoughts are much welcomed and appreciated. |
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shawn single dad |
posted 10-05-2007 02:48 PM
First, you should try to find another lawyer who won't demand such an exhorbitant retainer fee. $6000 sounds excessive. Call around, ask friends, see if you can get a personal recommedation. You really do need a lawyer to protect you and your son. But that said, I don't think you have anything to worry about, even if joint custody is awarded. Joint custody is the norm. It just means that both parents have equal rights in regards to the child. But, real control remains with the primary custodial parent due to the simple fact that the child is with you more than the other. I really don't think you have to worry about it. As a matter of fact it could prove beneficial in that this whole matter will force a parenting plan where he must step up in regards to being a real father to your precious boy. Another alternative to a lawyer is a family mediator. You can tell him you won't fight him getting joint custody if you both first go to a mediator to help create a parenting plan. The plan must entail him making FIRM commitments to you and his son. In the long run this will give you more peace of mind, more freedom, and your child a more present father. But I understand this may be difficult with him being so far away. Please don't worry Steph... say your prayers and trust in God. peace and love |
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