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 Down and out
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Brandon9587 Member |
posted 07-04-2007 05:37 PM
  
Has anybody ever doubted their ability to be a parent? That's the point where I'm at right now. It's been me and my daughter since her mom died in 2005 and there are times where I just don't get it. I don't get what makes her tick. I lack the motherly instinct that she needs even at 3. I know I take good care of her but there's a doubt in my mind that she would've been better off with the roles reversed. Sorry this probably didn't make a lot of sense, I guess the loneliness and isolation of being a single parent has been wearing me down a lot lately. God Bless!!! |
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lkellyhappy1 Member |
posted 07-05-2007 11:31 AM
Do you know any other single parents or belong to any groups? I used to go out a lot with my kids when they were little to places like the childrens museum that have spots for under five children and just hang with the other parents. Although you may find yourself mobbed by moms..lol  Its not just that you are a guy, we all think we are inadequate all the time. Its hard being a single parent. I have cried many times and felt much better afterwards. I am sure you are doing just fine. I feel the same way about my son, he is 13 now and it has always been hard. On the other side, he is really sick of living with two women, his sister and I. lol |
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leigh1517 Member |
posted 07-05-2007 10:45 PM
I think we all doubt our ability to be a parent - especially a single parent. Don't think you're alone. It's the hardest job I've ever done. I'm sorry about your loss. |
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jules13 Member |
posted 07-11-2007 02:12 PM
I'm sorry for the loss of your wife. I also do all of the parenting solo and often feel like I'm just not doing a good enough job but I think that's normal. Do you get some time to yourself? I know it's hard to find a good balance but I've found it helps me temendously to have time with other adults. I'm sure you're doing a good job, Try not to be hard on yourself because this is not an easy job. |
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lexiesmom Member |
posted 07-12-2007 10:51 AM
Brandon, I think all of us, especially those raising opposite sex children doubt thier abilities. Women have a hard time knowing what a teen boy goes through and teen boys dont wantt to talk to thier mom about that kind of stuff. Just as a the same is true for teen girl, or even younger girls and boys might ifnd it hard to talk to dad. Do you have any female frineds, not girlfriends, but maybe an aunt or someone who can maybe just have some girl time with your daughter? I think it would be a big help. But dont doubt your abilities, like I said we have all doubted our abilities. There have been times I just wante dto throw my hands up and say I am done, of course there still all times like that, cruel joke to make single parents go through the teen years alone! make sure you are taking some time for yourself. I finally started doing that and it has been a huge help. We moved so I am out playing tourist and just wandering the city alone, but it is nice not to have a daughter right there calling me mom or asking me for something or getting mad at me for god only knows what. When she is older look into something like big brothers big sisters. give her that older femal to hang out and talk to. For right now she is young, and she has no idea that you are making any mistakes They dont figure it out til later |
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Brandon9587 Member |
posted 07-13-2007 10:11 PM
Thank you all for replying. I guess it's just nice to hear that what I'm feeling is normal for being a parent let alone a single one. Fortunately both her grandmothers are very active in her life so I do get a chance to get out and be around my friends but they know my situation but they don't understand it, either being married or not having children. I don't know, I guess I was feeling down around the holiday too. All the family holidays are hard because I feel that she's missing out on having both parents around and wish she could experience the completeness of having us both. |
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lexiesmom Member |
posted 07-14-2007 08:34 AM
it has been lex and I for 14 years and holidays are still hard. Expecially when we go home for Christmas and the cousins have around with both parents. Unfortunatly my sister in-law makes a point of pointing out that her kids have two parents (mind you she is divorced and my brother is raising her son) And she doesnt come right out and say it, but it is in the little things she says and does. It doesnt make Lex miss having her dad around but it makes her not want to be around her aunt. We decided after this year, we were giong to start going on a little vacation for chirstmas. We still still go home around the time to see everyone, maybe for thanksgiving. But then we would go away for christmas. I told her she could pick want she wants to do each year. I agree they are missing out on not having that second parent around, so are we. There isn't anyone who is around to think about taking the kids shopping to find that right gift for mom or dad. THat person to sit up and wrap gifts with or plan birthdays. So we miss just as much as they do. You will get through it together. There is no rule that say you have to sepnd holidays with family, start new traditions. When we were in CA we had a large group of friends over rather than going home in bad weather. I was in charge of the food, one brought movies another played bartender (non alcohlic drinks) and someone brought some games. There were single friends, single parents, a friend and her husband who had lost thier 2 year old in an accident and couldn't deal with family around holidays and just friends who didnt have anywhere else to go. The door was basically open to those who wanted go food, fun and a clean safe enviroment. We would let the kids decorate cookies or gingerbread houses and bought one of those little indoor smores makers. As for me I am dreading the thought of going home for the holidays this year |
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