posted 06-10-2007 03:06 PM            

So after 6 months of battles with ex who left me with 2yr old + 8yr old as he fancied something else i have given up shouting at him over the phone, given up calling him in a rage when he didnt turn up to see the kids. He has chosen numerous times to see his fluff than to spend time with his kids....

Personally i have managed to get to the point of switching off. THe kids seem to be taking it in their stride and are happy enough. I am trying to be very honest + real with myself as i just want to run away. Run away so that i dont have to see him and hear his stupid comments, he always seems to be smirking, that stupid oh how clever am i, now i do whatever i want without crazy you on my case.

So realyy i am at a point where over the pset 6 months i have worked endlessly to get things back into some kind of order. Emotionally it seems ok but i know the edge is still close and tears are frequent but i feel i can hold it togther 80% of the time. I have sold both houses just buying another but wonder why ??? It feels like it could be a new start and so part of me just wants to take off. To start a new life miles away from him . Me + the kids and the future without the past rasing its ugly head and my confidence diving again.

Sorry but sometimes i just think F... you you chose to do this to our family....and i know that everyone says its good for them to see dad but do they really really need to, they seem better without him...when they do see him they came back sun burned, the little one subdued and so i wonder what really is best.

Cray maybe but i keep thinking that i will head out, take the kids + start a new life somewhere else. Really my plan is to get away from him.

So is this just anger from the deceipt + lies nad will it settle down before i s tart some hair raised expedition to the other side of the world for the wrong reasons that when i look back wiill realise i did it for the wrong reasons!!!!!