posted 05-15-2007 04:43 PM            

Now today the counselor tells me, let the 6 year old decide her own punishment for her behavoir- whether its no tv or in her room for thirty minutes. So she has power.

Then she tells me let her know who is in charge-- let her know you are supposed to have the power. I am so confused.

Tomorrow I will talk to her pediatrician- I think she is ready for medicine now that that it is happening in school.

posted 05-15-2007 06:56 PM            

Is your daughter’s behavior affecting her learning? Does she have an IEP? Depending on your answers you may qualify to have the school district pay for a behavior specialist.

If you like I will be more than happy to talk with you.

posted 05-16-2007 11:43 AM            

For instance tonight have her help you make dinner. Give her a simple task such as making the salad. She can ripe the lettuce up toss in the cherry tomatoes/olives/croutons (whatever it is that you put in your salads). Then be sure to tell her what a good job she did. Mmm that looks yummy. Then ask her would you like to set the table? If the answer is no then thank her for her work and allow her some plan time until dinner. If she says yes then hand her the plates, napkins, silverware and cups. Once again don’t forget to tell her what a great job she did. Then thank her for all her help. I guarantee that once you sit down for dinner she will be thrilled that she helped so her mood will be a positive one. Ask her how school was, and if she did any fun stuff. Let her know after dinner if she helps you clear the table you two can sit down to read a book or play a game together. Ask her if she would like that?

Start off simple: Make a chart or buy a calendar and some stickers. Let her know that each day she doesn’t hit she gets a sticker. And if she gets 4 stickers in one week she gets a treat. Once she has mastered this and she gets her first treat, raise the bar by adding, now if you get 4 stickers for not hitting and screaming at the end of the week you get a treat. High light the box that indicates the end of the week so she has a visual of the end date. For the first week where hitting is the only thing you are focusing on, don’t deny her a sticker because she screamed or threw something. You need to follow through at the end on the night by acknowledging that she didn’t hit. You have to focus on one thing at a time. Expecting her to stop everything cold turkey is setting her up for failure.

During this time it’s important that you set by example, such as overstress please and thank you. If she doesn’t here you say it, she’s not going to say it.

When she asks for something and doesn’t use please just simply say “what’s the magic word?” There is a game you can play which is like Simon says, but instead of saying Simon says, you just say “Please (insert instruction such has put you hand on your head) when she does the task you are to say “Thank you” and she can stop the task. Then sometime during the game give her a command without using “Please” if she does it you say I didn’t say “Please” Remind her in the beginning of the game that if you don’t say please she is not to do what you say. When you say thank you she can stop doing what you asked. Then let it be her turn.

You have to keep in mind that consistence is the key. It’s easy for us parents to let things slip by because we are too exhausted to deal with it thus making it that more difficult the next time.

You need to follow through on your consequences such as no tv or take away a toy for a day or if you use time outs use a timer so she can know how long. Start off with 6 min being that’s how old she is and 6 mins in her world is pretty long. Don’t start until she has cooperated meaning if she is screaming then the timer doesn’t start until she stops screaming. If she hits you, you are to go on your knees to get down to her level hold her by each wrest and look her in the eyes and let her know that she is not to hit in a firm but even tone without raising your voice. Screaming only escalates a situation.

Let her know it’s ok to be mad but she has to use her words. When she is upset she should say, “I’m angry” once she has voiced that you can in a normal voice say, “I can see that you’re angry”, “Why are you angry?” then let her talk and don’t interrupt. She needs to know that she is being heard. You can follow through by saying I’m sorry you had a bad day, or what do you think we can do to make it better? Ask her if she needs a hug? Be sure to go down to her level so that you two are seeing eye-to-eye.

Sorry if this was long but I can go on forever on this subject. I spend many years of hell before I got to the point that my kids are a pleasure to be with. No more calls from the school telling me to pick-up my child instead they send notes telling me what a pleasure he/she is to have in class. Keep in mind this is the same two kinds who my son before he was 3 got kicked out of preschool, and at age 6 give his aid a mild concussion, my daughter at age 8 pushed a girl from the top jungle bars at school out of pure anger and who had to be carried out on a stretcher. These are the same two kids that now have many friends and look forward to going to school and coming home to do there chores.

The bottom line it’s going to take a lot of hard work and determination from both of you.