 UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! |
 Single Parents Online Chat Boards
 Relationships & Dating
 Jealousy between child and fiance
|
| next newest topic | next oldest topic |
| Author | Topic: Jealousy between child and fiance |
|
Sannhill Member |
posted 06-18-2009 06:32 AM
 
I have a 5 year old son, and for a very long time it has been just he and I. I have met someone new, and about 6 months ago I finally introduced him to my son. I waited until I knew that he was going to be sticking around in my life before doing so. We are now engaged. Yeah! Or not? My son has begun acting out in ways that just scream jealousy and anger. I don't know how to handle this. My fiance, who now lives with us, has a little different take on parenting and dicipline than I do. He, being of an older generation, was raised with fear of his daddy's stiff hand when he would act up or be disrespectful and that is the approach he has taken. I am not against a good spanking either, but this is just not working! My son has begun lying deliberately about all sorts of things. He has begun with outburst of anger, hurting the dog, tearing screens out of windows, etc. My fiance told me last night, that he doesn't know how much more of this he can take. I am lost. I mean, I cannot choose between my son and him....the choice would be obvious! And to hell with anyone who puts me in the situation! But, I don't think that's what he's trying to do. He does not have any children of his own, so he doesn't understand what this does to me. I guess, first off....should I be allowing my fiance to discipline my son? My thoughts are, if we are all living together, then my son needs to look at him (and respect) him as a father figure. Therefore my fiance should be able to act like that father figure, in all ways. Secondly, how long should this take before my son finally accepts that this is our family now...and he needs to lose the jealousy? I know it is normal for him to have some jealousy....but to what extent and for how long can it be acceptable? Or, do I just let my son win? Let my fiance walk out the door, because they can't get along...and just hope that I find someone else out there whom I can love just as much, but who my son will love as much? I hope that's not the answer, becuase it seems so crappy and unfair. These two people are my whole world. My heart cannot take losing either one of them, so I just don't know what I should do. I am hoping someone has gone through a similar experience and had a good outcome, and can pass along some pointers. Thanks, and G-d Bless. |
|
shawn single dad |
posted 06-23-2009 04:45 PM
Unfortunately there are no easy answers ... part of the problem is that your son is at the exact age where all children begin to understand that there is a much bigger world out there and they are not at the center, so there are going to be new issues no matter what is happening. It is good that you waited to see how things would go before introducing the two, but being 'engaged and living together' is not how your son sees it. For all practical purposes you are now married and the three of you are a new entity, and this has happened too fast for him. He has to not only share you full time, he also has a full time new adult in his life that is learning how to parent on the go, and since your fiance doesn't have any children he is missing the life experiences needed to understand little dudes, and your son probably feels like he isn't being understood. Your son needs more time to adjust and your fiance needs more time to learn how to deal with and love this child. Perhaps a parenting class would help for your fiance. Also take time for you and your son to be alone. Is there any way to step back from living together? That may be the only way to salvage this relationship. God Bless all of you |
All times are CT | next newest topic | next oldest topic |
  |
|
© 2000-2009 Single Parents Online Network
Powered by: Ultimate Bulletin Board, Version 5.44a
Resources of Shared Experiences by Single Parents for Single Parents
© Infopop Corporation (formerly Madrona Park, Inc.), 1998 - 2000.