posted 08-29-2007 03:37 PM         

He's still around and the kids are ok but I'm reeling. Grabbing all the pieces of my heart, his responsibilties with the kids and getting things back together mentally and emotionally... aghh!

posted 09-22-2007 10:44 PM            

Men do like their time to themselves and it sounds like you are very perceptive and understanding. I can imagine finding such a wonderful person and developing and nurturing the relationship only to see it start to go the other direction.

I guess the only thing I can really think of is to maybe have a serious conversation about what you want and what he wants. He may just need some space for his studies or he may be feeling overwhelmed and maybe a bit scared. If you can get info from him on what is going on you then can respond and respect his boundaries. It may still be hard and you may not like all he says but atleast you will know.

You may be surprised how he responds when you listen to him and respect his boundaries. He may very well realize just how much of a good thing he has and that he will be able to come to you and know that you truly understand and care enough to help instead of put the guilt trip on him or something of the sort.

I don't know if any of this helps I guess just be there for him and don't give up on him yet...

posted 09-26-2007 10:08 PM            

New to the forum but have been working with single parents and teaching single parent classes the past ten years. Actually, they have been the ones who teach and work with me

Of all the topics that come up in our class, none seem to bring out more confusion than dating. When you think about it, we’re faced with quite a dilemma. On the one hand, our first priority as parents is to guard our children and that means to guard their hearts as well. This includes guarding them against the potential pain of abandonment (like what they often experience through divorce) if they become quite attached to the person we’re dating only to have that person vacate their lives through no fault of their own if the relationship goes south.

On the other hand, we want to make sure that whoever we eventually marry has a heart for our children and sees them as a gift, not merely extra baggage they need to “tolerate” in order to be with us.

I’ve read various opinions (Dobson, Kevin Leman, etc.) on this and the consensus seems to be we need to be very cautious when it comes to involving the person we’re dating into our children’s lives and make sure the person we’re dating has things figured out beforehand before we become seriously involved. What I mean is my daughter and I aren’t some “experiment” to “try out” to see if we mesh with that person’s lifestyle but rather they have a close enough walk with the Lord that they know beforehand exactly where they stand and God has created a heart in them that is resolved and committed to the fact we’re a package deal to embrace together.

Even then, it’s a matter of extensive time and guarded interaction where they are involved on the same level as other female friends where I can see their hearts but protect my daughter at the same time.

Like I said, it’s quite a dilemma. My daughter is my first priority for now but if and when I say “I do” someday, then my relationship with my wife will be front and center in our home. Tough transition in a matter of two words

I wish you all the best as you pray for God’s guidance with your relationship. Just wanted to bring in the “kid perspective” on things.

God bless,
Larry
Thesingleparentfamily.org

[This message has been edited by CharlotteNCdad (edited 09-26-2007).]